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Advance, to the rear

Frankenstorm tried to demolish the Northeastern US. Elections in the US trying to demolish what little faith Americans have left in their system. The divisiveness and hate will abate after the storm, at least for those affected, but as recovery continues the old sniping and finger-pointing will return. The puppet masters in the two major political parties will see to that. Better to keep the sheep stupid and distracted and while they are being fleeced. Makes one consider moving into a cave in the Canadian territories somewhere. Nothing fancy, just the basic creature comforts like shelter, fire, and running water nearby. And no politics, no hate, no fingers pointing except at the beauty of it all.

Learning things the hard way

Seems life once again has put it's boot heel firmly on the back of my neck. Once again I have attempted to be family to people that aren't actually family, yet they have been loved as such. I say attempted because recent events have opened my eyes to just how much abuse I have subjected myself too. That and a good friend that moved back into the area also helped with the eye-opening process. His consistency with moving his life in a positive direction and taking care of himself before all others has been a great example of the direction my life hasn't been heading for awhile. And it's a much younger person too. Out of the mouths of babes I believe is the saying.

our national depression

With all the turmoil in the markets the words “double dip” have been thrown around the media, leaving most of us to wonder “when the heck did we recover from the first dip?” And, we’re in a depression, not a recession. It is apparent that anyone not wealthy is depressed right now to different degrees.

From the middle class on down people report losing sleep worrying; no job really feels secure anymore; their appetites and diets have changed, especially with ever climbing food costs; tempers are becoming quicker as frustration with our leadership is at its highest ever; and most significantly people are reporting overwhelming feelings of helplessness and a loss of hope. Helplessness is the killer. Helplessness leads people to do irrational things.

There is a cure for our national depression. It’s the same one that cures depression individually. We the people must become proactive in our government. We have to get off the couch and vote out every single politician that isn’t getting the job done, which unfortunately is the overwhelming majority of them. And we have to work to support the potential leaders that will be needed to fix this mess our country is becoming.


A personal friend that also has been on LJ for many years asked me the other day if I had been on in awhile and I realized, no I haven't. Matter of fact there are quite a few things I haven't done lately that I used to get a lot of satisfaction from. So here I am trying to reunite with my freewheeling, free writing side.

First of all let me state the obvious, living in the US sux right now, especially for those of us living in North Carolina. Our legislature was taken over in 2010 by right wingnuts that started defunding services for the poor and helpless immediately, and they're still cutting. I've been laid off twice in 3 years because of it, and it sux. I trained really hard for 9 years to do what I do and the state says "oh well guess you have to go do other things." In the meantime my former patients will digress and require even more state money to clean up after them, when a few prevention dollars would have....I feel like I'm wasting my breath. Only voting will change this amazing fiasco we have going on the DC, our state legislatures, and our local councils, commissions, whatever. I'm personally ready to fire every single incumbent starting in 2012. In just 6 years, that's 3 general elections, we can have a whole new bunch running things, and people WE COULDN'T POSSIBLY DO WORSE!

Second of all let me repeat some extremely disturbing statistics. You can verify this easily if you like. The top 400 wage earners in the US make more money than the bottom 150,000,000 Americans. That's correct. Just 400 people control more money than half the country combined. And we're supposed to believe that most of those 400 don't own 535 Congressmen, 1000's of state legislators, and 10,000's of councilmen, etc., and can control their every legislative vote. Sorry I haven't fallen for that in a long time, but the dog-and-pony show continues in front of the camera and many, many Americans continue to be mesmerized into believing that our representatives are really representing us instead of their corporate masters.

I'm pissed about not being able to do what I trained to do, and I'm absolutely devastated for some former patients who will likely not survive the changes being made. Our leaders, our politicians are committing murder not just in foreign lands, but right here at home. It's time for their karma to catch up with them, don't you think?

oh happy happy joy joy!!

it's snowing like crazy here. i luv it. makes me miss the snowfall in cleveland. and i'll likely get a day off paid tomorrow. and i won $20 on the powerball. good omens if ever.

Inner battles

My boss told me yesterday that if it wasn't bad luck I'd have none at all. This was after I reported hitting someone from the rear on the way to work. I've been in all kinds of wrecks in my life. One made the front page of a local paper. But in all of them I never ever hit someone else. Guess there's still a lot of first times waiting for me in life. But just the day before my roommate managed to let my cellphone take a bath in a glass of water by a chair in front of the tv, all night. Tried vacuuming the moisture out of it for about 15 minutes and then put it in a bowl of rice for 2 days. No dice. Dead in the water, all puns intended. At the current rate of financial loss I should be in the red well before xmas. And that sux a big weenie. I'm sick of not being able to celebrate a season that when I was a kid used to bring me at least some sense of relief every year. Relief from an otherwise unbelievably confusing life. And I have to thank my grandparents for all the fun we used to have.

In the midst of the emotional turmoil I try to remind myself that I have to stay focused on being a helper, instead of feeling like god has his boot on the back of my neck again. I must have been a mutherfucker in a former life.

Nov. 19th, 2008

Still struggling with helping others when i can hardly help myself. Getting threatening collection letters and that's no fun. Don't even understand how it would be turned over with just one payment late. But it's a bank. A big bank that just got an injection of taxpayer cash. Guess they've decided they can afford outside collection agencies again. Oh well. such is life in brokedom. All i can do is make what i make and try to keep the hounds at bay. They'll not drive me insane in the process. i refuse.

the total picture reveals i've never had two pots to piss in for most of my life. never had a big luscious savings account just waiting for a big old splurge. splurging to me is eating out somewhere besides mcdonalds. never had a reliable partner to provide a second income, and that's where i do envy my married friends, at least until they dole out for the divorce. never had a dream vacation, although i've had a few trips that i'll never forget because i have travelled some in the lower 48. but i generally campout as i go, and cook on a fire. talk about heaven. anyhow, being broke has it's advantages but they're far outweighed by the disadvantages. you would think i'd be used to it by now, but i'm not. i've never been satisfied with working my butt off and living hand-to-mouth, but that seems to have been my fate from the get-go.

somehow. someday before too many more years pass, it will change for the better. but from where i'm sitting it's one big pile of debt blocking the way. again.

Denying oneself

Being busy as hell trying to juggle a hectic career in the midst of the current turmoil has me wondering why. Why do I deny myself the simple pleasures like connectivity that helped me survive 9 years of training, and landed me all of kinds of new acquaintances, some of who are now considered friends. And if confessions are to be cathartic they must be inclusive, so I hereby acknowledge that I was temporarily sidetracked by another website where it seems everyone in the universe resides. And I will continue to reside there as well as other social sites that I belong to. But none of them compares to the satisfaction I used to get by writing here. I blog on that other site, and that allows me a release for pent up political emotions, but this journal was my first, and has always been special because it is where I have shared some rather personal things with others who also share their stuff. And we've encouraged and supported each other so well.

I'm offering an apology to fellow journalists and to myself. I deserve the benefits of writing in my journal and will do better at writing more often as I try to find a balance between blogs and journals, issues and personal feelings. So if you're still around my friend's page "hey there, I've missed ya."

Jan. 16th, 2008

it's snowing!!! *happy dance!!!*

What Do You Have To Say? - Warning:

If you came with a warning label, what would it say?

Give me coffee and no one gets hurt!

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